A Party and a Bad DXM Trip


Monday 4/20/98

I was visiting my friend Jami at college in Indiana when we decided to dex. I have dexd at least 100 times, possibly even 200, and Jami has around 4 maybe I don't really know. But anyway, it must have been around 5 or 6pm on Saturday night when we took about 500mg of pure dxm. We may have each taken another cap, I really can't remember, but I think we took it later in the day. Right after that we wondered around campus for a short time. Then we went and had water in some coffee shop. I started to feel the trip come on, so we decided to leave. Walking back to her dorm we noticed how the outlines of the trees and buildings were much clearer and brighter. I noticed the trees had the most outline to them, they seemed to have much more 3 dimensional shape than usual which was really cool considering how everything normally looks dark and boring to me. I don't really remember what happened after this. We must have met up with Jami's brother, Lee and her friend Jamie. We went to the hotel room we had rented for the night where Lee and Jamie were each going to take 500mg. This was their 1st time dexing. I have no idea where time seems to have gone now, because I can't remember getting to the hotel and I do not remember meeting Jamie there. Anyway, I remember standing outside of the hotel room on the walkway looking down at the cars in the parking lot. I don't know why, but there were lots of people standing in front of their rooms doing the same. I guess the police came next and asked us if there was a party, probably because of all the idiots on the porch. Lee still thinks he made the cop go away somehow, I don't know why or how, but he thinks he did. I'm not really sure what I remember next but somehow we ended up with a few of the kids that were standing in front of the rooms in our room partying with us, there must have been like 5 or 6 of them. I remember walking to a different room, but I don't remember what it looked like or where it was. I later learned it was the kids room that we had met. I remember walking back to our room from wherever we had been and thinking it was a hallway containing a showroom of new cars, with a lot of flashing colors and loud music playing. There was one kid who had long dark hair and he was weird acting, like always laughing and pointing, I guess his name was Chad. I remember him saying he was 18 (although he looked about 14) and that he lived in a town in Michigan called Dowagiac. Another one of the kids was a fat one named Bob. I also remember two Mexican looking kids. One looked older and for some reason he reminded me of someone's uncle, I'm not sure who's though. I thought those two were gay for some reason and I remember both Jami and Jamie making fun of them for what I thought was being gay. Which they weren't, Jamie was just laughing a lot, I think she was itching a lot also, but that has nothing to do with it. The only other one I really remember was some drunk guy laying across from me on the other bed, but I do not remember him saying anything or doing anything. I only remember getting a few words out that night, like I kept asking those kids for acid, and telling them I would buy a sheet if they could get it. I don't think I was speaking very clearly, and it must have sounded very slurred. The next morning I learned that I only got a word out like every other hour, and it sounded very slurred and very impaired. I also remember Jami being really concerned about my heart beating very fast and she seemed scared and worried. We also cuddled a lot, but I think she must have been the one cuddling with me because I don't remember moving off the bed very much. Later I remember Chad coming in with a video camera and laughing at me. I'm not sure how long he videotaped us for or for what reason. the next thing I can remember is Jami puking in the bathroom and me laying on the floor next to her where I found another 250mg cap that I took. I think it was my 5th one. I don't remember taking the other 2 that somewhere in there I had taken but I know for sure I did, because that was my plan, and they all tell me I took them. Nor do I remember anyone else taking theirs, but Jami had taken a 3rd one and Jamie and Lee had each taken 2. I guess I bugged Jami a lot to take a shower with me. which we were going to do, but we never did for some reason. The next thing I can remember, well I think it is the next thing (but the order that I remember everything in may be scattered), I remember the drunk guy laying on the bed across from me and they were trying to get him to leave. I asked Jami if they were sleeping in our room because I didn't want them to stay with us. I felt kind of embarrassed that they were with us. I don't know why. its just the way I felt. I also remember the room feeling like a freezer (not cold, but the shape and the way the hotel door looked (heavy and like the door to a walk in freezer would look). It also felt like we were still at the school in some ones dorm. I even forgot at times we were at a hotel. I just didn't know where we were or what I was. It was extremely weird. I also remember thinking Bob was jacking off under a blanket. I don't know if he was or not though. The next thing that comes to mind is that I found myself with a bloody nose, and it would not stop. I guess Jami was trying to help me, but she had to leave because she got extremely scared that I was going to die or something (I think she was about to faint) it must have finally stopped though I really don't remember. After this I think I heard music and I told them, "sometimes when I'm on dxm I can hear music playing in my head" both Jami and Jamie laughed at me and said it was the radio. I'm like, "Oh, why are they outside with a radio?" I though Chad and his friends were outside playing with a radio, but it was the radio in our room right next to us, and I had totally forgotten that we had brought one. After this I slightly remember watching some movie called Stranded. It seemed like a really cool movie at the time, but I totally forget what it was about. It could have been a horror movie, but I'm not really sure. I think by this time both Jami and Jamie were asleep. Oh yeah, I took some melatonin and a sleeping pill in here somewhere before Jami had gone to bed, but I'm not sure when. I could have even woke her up to get it for me, but I think she may have given them to me before she went to bed. I think I talked to Lee too and asked him what the movie was about, but I'm not sure what he said. I just think he told me the name of it. I don't remember any parts of the movie, and I barely remember it ending. I don't even think I knew it was over. I just asked why we weren't watching it anymore and I think Jamie woke up and told me it was over, or maybe Lee told me I really cannot remember. A while went by, and I think this is when I started panicking. I remember Jami sleeping next to me and grinding her teeth, which sounded very loud at the time, and she kept rubbing her nose in her sleep, she also looked like an old man. The atmosphere was really dark, and I even wondered if somehow had ended up in the wrong room next to some weird-o. It really scared me, because I had really thought that I might have. I even looked at her face really closely and I still couldn't make it out to be her. I couldn't see Jamie on the other bed, or Lee, but he was sleeping on the floor, and I didn't know that at the time. As the hours went on I started hearing voices saying shit like, "your gonna die" which I thought was that Chad kid and his friends hollering outside somewhere, and I started to believe that they were going to kill us. I also heard, "kill, kill, kill," but it had no meaning to me at the time. the more I thought about that 1st voice saying, "your gonna die" I started to believe that it was true. I started thinking that Chad and his buddies had rigged the air conditioner in the room to somehow poison us with carbon monoxide. I woke Jami up quite a few times, bugging her to believe me, but I could not get her to. She was also very tired which intensified my thoughts more, because I thought that we would have gotten tired and lazy from the carbon monoxide in the air. I looked around the room somewhat and saw a busted smoke detector on the wall, which I thought had something to do with the poisoning. So, I woke up Jami again. She was just like "whatever Jake, it's a smoke detector fucking go to bed." I'm not really sure how much time passed after this, but I went outside a couple times. I think by then it had started getting light out. I also remember hearing someone yelling "HEY!" and hearing a car squeal off. So, I went outside to check it out, and saw nothing. But a little while later I heard more talking, so I went outside again to find a policeman talking with some guests down a few doors. I think that actually a car may have been stolen, but I'm not sure. I think Jami also heard that guy say "HEY!" so I know it wasn't a hallucination. I still really believed that we were being poisoned and I didn't know what I should do. I tried getting Jami to go outside with me, but she wouldn't. She had gone out with me two other times, but I think she just got tired of dealing with me. This time she said that she was too tired, which made me believe my thoughts more and more. At one point I heard gun shots and people screaming, but I think I just hallucinated it. Later, I went outside again, and saw another cop car there. This made me start to believe that the police knew something was wrong with the air conditioners or something, but I was too embarrassed and shy to go ask what was wrong. I also wanted to tell them what I thought Chad and his friends did to us, but I thought I might look stupid (not because I thought that my thoughts might be from the drug, but because I thought I might look stupid freaking out). I totally believed we were going to die though, and I thought for sure I was going to hell. More time went on, and I thought I could hear someone outside messing with the top of our door, so I went and looked, NO ONE! I was starting to get really freaked and just wanted to lie down, go to sleep, and just die in my sleep (I thought I would anyway) after I lay there for a while. I saw someone look in the window, so I went outside, and it was Chad, and the rest of the kids from the night before, they were leaving. They asked why we were not up yet, because check out time was in about an hour. I guess it was already like 11am. I think for a while after this I still believed our room was full of carbon monoxide, but my fears eventually faded. Once we were all awake we talked for a while. I couldn't speak quite clearly yet, but I managed. Jamie told me that she has had a bad trip before and that they are really scary. I don't think Lee and Jami understood totally what I was feeling like, but at least they were not mean about it. After we talked, I took a shower, and we left the hotel. I was very tired by now, but Lee and I were leaving in about an hour to head back home to Michigan (about a 6-7 hour drive), so I figured I would just sleep then. On the way home I didn't sleep, but I became very energetic and really started becoming very happy. I felt so good to be alive. I was the happiest I had been in a long, long time, and I thought to myself, "I bet this is what ecstasy is like." Once I arrived home, I explained to my mom what had happened, and told her how good I felt, and that I thought that I was going to be a lot happier about life from then on. She was kinda mad that I had done dxm, but she was happy that I thought I was going to do better. I asked her if I could go drop a movie off that I had forgotten to take back from the week before, so she let me use the car. On the way back from the video store I started feeling weird; like an lsd trip but without the thoughts, just what everything looked like. I still felt energetic though. I got home and couldn't park the car in the garage right. I tried three times, but no luck. So, I just left it and asked my mom to park it for me. I said, "I feel like I'm too speedy for some reason to do it." I went to bed in about an hour, but when I laid down I started hallucinating again (dxm hallucinations) I thought I was in a weird castle of some sort or somehting. I really can't remember exactly, but I started feeling really dizzy, so I went downstairs, and asked my mom to take me to the hospital. I started panicking again, and thinking that maybe those voices that I had heard were real, and that Chad and his friends had maybe poisend us somehow. I wasn't really sure though. Just as we were about to leave I started feeling better. I went in and laid down, and we talked about what was going on. I started beliveing that it was just a flashback of some sort, so I calmed down quite a bit. I still felt like it was similar to lsd (just the way everything appeared even my thoughts somewhat). I called Jami and she told me to go to bed. I fell asleep about an hour after that. This morning I woke up and felt great. I thought to myself, "I am going to remember how I felt yesterday, so I don't start getting depressed, and how I normally felt before Saturday night, and I'll see how the next few days go"



Wednesday 4/22/98
9:40pm

I still feel really happy today, and this past week has gone by very well. I'm not sure what happened to me on Saturday night. Why I had those feelings of death, I'll never know, but I do know that it changed me for the better. It's a very noticeable change too. I feel 100% better, and my friends and family have even told me that I have been acting a lot happier. I feel like I appreciate everything more, and I never want to go back to how I was feeling before the trip (depressed, tired, lonely, etc.). I am also never doing dxm again... or any drugs for that matter... at least not for a LONG time.

-satva



1998 The Third Plateau
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