Terror from beyond the Body

This is easily the most terrifying experience of my life. It started with a 14.56 mg/kg dose around 11 p.m. and ended at about 8 p.m. the next day. This is the largest dose of dxm I have taken. I am going to try to put into words the events that took place in order to allow others who are interested in this drug a look into what takes place when you allow it control over yourself. At about 12:40, the drug really began to take effect. I had just taken a shower, which was amazing in itself (everything seemed to be moving 1000 miles per hour and the roar of the water was overpowering), and was messing around online as AMP came on. Christ, this was indescribable. That show was created for trippers, it had to be. Anway, everything started to swirl around me while sitting in the chair. I constantly felt I would lose my balance, and finally just ended up on the floor. Now, for most of the following trip I lose all sense of time. I soon find myself on the floor looking at my computer and my television, which is across the room. I try to form some kind of logical conclusion as to their function, but I just get lost. Soon all of my thoughts are in this terrible swirl of emotion and fear, and I determine I have gone insane. I don't think its possible to describe the terror that I felt at this time. It was if a black chasm had opened up and swallowed me, and I was lost forever. I believed there was no existence, life was just a thought in my head repeating over and over. Obviously this is extremely hard to describe, but if you have ever experienced something like this, you may understand where I am coming from. Time lost all meaning and it felt as though I sat on that floor for years, contemplating my existence and coming up with the horrifying conclusion that everything I had ever experienced, everyone I knew and my entire idea of reality was just a thought in my head. If I had any control over my body I would have cried. Later I found the strength to move around, and everything was done from a strange 3rd person perspective. It's as if I was watching a movie of someone else with a view from his or her eyes. I would move my hands, walk around, touch something; everything was utterly alien. I had no control over myself, I was just a tourist in this physical body. A few times I left my room and moved to the bathroom I share with some others in my dorm. I would think about the bathroom, and suddenly I would happen to focus in on the outside world and I was in the bathroom. This is how thoughts worked for me. I soon found myself in a whole number of situations where I couldn't explain how I got there. It seemed as though the outside world was flooding in only a few frames at a time, and subsequently I would lose crucial pieces of info and just find myself in some new location, with no explanation as to how I arrived there. After my thoughts finally calmed down enough for me to have a sense of self, I started to settle down and just listen to music. This was around 5 in the morning I believe, and I spent the next few hours messing with the stereo, pissed off about a neighbors alarm clock going off, and trying to work up the courage to get down off my loft bed and use the bathroom. Ultimately, when looking back, I realize I should I have had someone with me, and I think I should have relaxed more. I was so scared of my thoughts when awake that there was no way in hell I was going to shut my eyes. Finally in the early morning hours I just laid on my bunk and let the music take me away, which I find to be dxm's best attribute. I probably could argue that the experiences I had during this time made the trip worth it, but I'd be a liar. I ended the trip lying on my bunk for hours trying to sleep or settle down or something, finally just playing c.d.'s over and over. I don't know if anyone else has had this happen to them, I don't know if it was because I am too "inexperienced" with drugs to have handled the situation, or if the setting was inappropriate, etc; whatever anyone says will suffice. I do know that I would not wish my experience on anyone. This post isn't to scare anyone away from dxm, or to advocate its use. I am simply trying to inform anyone who's interested of my experiences. If you choose to use dxm read the faq (http://www.frognet.net/dxm) and be careful. It could be one of the most amazing experiences you ever have, or you could end up scared to death lying on the floor convinced of your own insanity, much like I did.

-Trevor Wycliff

1998 The Third Plateau
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